12 things I learned from My Girl

I was nine years old when My Girl came out in 1991, two years younger than main character Vada Sultenfuss. You learn a lot in those two years between 9 and 11, especially if you were a sheltered Catholic school girl who hasn’t even read Are You There, God? It’s Me, Margaret yet. Here’s some of the especially important things I learned from this epic coming-of-age movie.

1. What happens at a funeral.

And what happens when you get old… apparently you can sing classic standards whenever you want and no one can do anything about it.

2. A girl can never wear enough blue eyeshadow.

Technically, I had already learned this by age 3 from dance recitals.

3. There is basically nothing good to look forward to about being a girl.

Nothing.

4. Surround yourself with people who are intellectually stimulating.

Vada was a mini-Daria in the making.

5. Mood rings are the coolest things ever.

I had to go out and get one from the Limited Too. And pick up a flannel scrunchie while I was there to match my flannel shirt.

6. How to write poetry.

“Flesh all a-mesh or rocky road; either way, it’s about desire.”

7. You did not touch my grass.

It puts the grass in the basket.

8. That I will always and forever associate this song with bumper cars.

And that bumper cars are a great way to take out some aggression on someone.

9. How insanely long your period lasts.

And how I had never thought before about how you would manage to go swimming during it.

….And how awkward this movie can be to watch with your parents.

10. Kissing a boy involves saying the pledge of allegiance?

And that there’s a time when spitting on your hand becomes grosser than kissing a boy.

11. It’s ok to bawl your eyes out at a movie.

12. No really, it is.